Hello my loves – gosh it feels like an age since we last caught up! My beloved MacBook crashed and burned last weekend – meaning it’s been a little bit tricky to blog since… however the good news is that I’ll be getting a shiny new replacement, hopefully this weekend…
So, whilst I’ve been waiting, I went for a lil hike… which was a bit of a big deal for me, on a few levels;
- Despite *loving* the countryside, and knowing that I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country for miles, I almost never (in fact, I think never?) go on walks in uncharted territory alone. I’m perfectly happy to take myself off on walks that I know, or walks that I know are pretty impossible for me to get lost on; but I have (had! ;) a bit of a fear that I might get lost… I’m terrible at reading maps and use my satnav to go everywhere – so the thought of wondering off into the depths of the countryside alone has always been a bit too “scary”.
- I have always thought that, though I would enjoy the adventure, it wouldn’t be the same as if it was shared with someone… as you may have noticed from this blog (and my facebook page) I *really* enjoy sharing my thoughts, musings and findings – so I assumed that if I did brave it enough to go on a walk alone, I might feel a little sad not to be sharing it with anyone.
- I’ve had a bit of a long-standing ‘belief’ that my body isn’t up to anything that’s too energy expending… it’s not necessarily always a conscious thought, but I definitely decline doing things because I don’t think I’m going to have the energy to keep going.
This is further compounded with now having a slight concern that I’ll get stuck somewhere and need to eat, and be alone, and drop into a diabetic coma and die.
Yep, seriously… despite the fact that I *know* the chances of this happening are pretty much zero as I’m not on insulin, I have a very wonderful imagination when I let it roam!
So you see, it wasn’t the length of the walk per-say that felt scary, rather knowing that I was going to challenge myself to overcome some of this “stuff”…
There were a few biggies in there; fear, trust, goals, self-belief… and I managed to whop them all out of the way of my lil walk!
Course it wasn’t *entirely* straightforward – for at least half the walk I literally didn’t know if I was heading the right way – but would keep seeing the top in the distance, so just kept heading for it… and then at one point I turned around to see this lot charging towards me;
… and had a brief moment of panic, thinking I was going to get stampeded (whilst simultaneously thinking; ‘don’t stampede me – I’m the last person that would ever hurt you!’ Told you I have an active brain… ;)
But, I breathed, chatted to them for a bit, kept on telling myself to trust all was well – and kept heading towards the top…
and I finally made it, and it felt soooo flipin’ good, that I made the little vid above for you
…but the universe had another little test up it’s sleeve…
In my excitement of getting to the top, I jumped up onto the very highest rock I could find and did a little bit of happy skipping about – then turned around to pick up my jacket and head back down – and it was no-where to be seen. I had carefully zipped my phone and car keys inside my jacket pocket – so they couldn’t possibly get lost and I would be “safe” – but now I was running around the top of a mountain, in a slight blind panic that I’d lost my safety net.
To make matters worse, adrenaline was well and truly kicking in at this point – which if any of you have experienced the feelings of low blood sugar and an adrenaline rush, you’ll know they’re very similar… racing heart beat, shaky, sweating palms – my head was now trying to tell me that I was stuck on the top of a mountain, with no mobile/means of help – and also kindly reminded me that I hadn’t seen a single other human being on my walk thus far – plus it was approaching dusk; so the likelihood of anyone turning up to help was pretty slim…. Eeeek!
At this point I was approaching headless chicken status, when I forced myself to stop and breathe. I then reminded myself of landmarks I’d registered on the way up (there was red house far off on the horizon that I’d already pinpointed as being the general direction I’d come from/would need to head back towards, plus much closer there was a very stark, beautiful tree that I’d admired) – I calmed myself enough to figure out where I was in relation to these, so the angle I must have come in from, and therefore approximately where my jacket was… Then, I much more calmly walked around, telling myself to trust all would be well – and there, in my eye-line, was the familiar dusky pink of the material I knew was my coat. Never have I been so happy to see a piece of clothing in my life! I grabbed it – and started laughing at how this was just another little (well, at this point, it felt pretty bloomin’ massive) lesson that, as long as I trusted they would be then things will be ok, and that I can do anything I set my mind to… :-)
…. you see another big part of what I’m working on at the mo is the understanding that we have everything we need within us; be that support, or the ability to be happy, or the ability to enjoy the little things in life… all these things (and much more!) are achievable through me and I need not be dependent on anyone or anything external to achieve them.
Now that’s not to say I am aiming to achieve a point where I never spend time with others – as there are undoubtedly many beautiful pleasures from sharing and connecting still – but I’m am practicing getting to a point where this is the icing on the cake, rather than the main focus… and yes, I do think it’s ironic that I was unable to blog to you this week, whilst I was focusing on this… !
Besides, I did end up having loads of company and support, and possibly a little mocking through these fella’s…
…who were, at this precise moment in time I suspect wondering what I was doing scrabbling through the bracken when there was a perfectly good path I could have been taking… ;-)
And so, my adventure ended and I arrived back at my car happy & content; I’d a wonderful day out in nature, seen some glorious sights, made friends with the sheepies – and conquered a few previously-picked-up-but-now-no-longer-useful-beliefs along the way – what wasn’t to love? – I had bunch of new and much cooler lessons in my pocket, and drove home planning when I could head out on my next little adventure… :-)
Anyway, the moral of this blog post is; and I do advance apologise for going a little Nike on you, but:
Just. Do. It.
Yeah, I guess sometimes you might try something and discover it’s not for you – but if that’s the case, don’t do it again – no big deal. I’m learning I would a thousand times rather take that approach, then spend my life not doing stuff – because of fear, expectations or whatever – and then wondering *if* I would have enjoyed it or not… and I’m pretty sure you’ll feel the same way too :-)
So with that in mind, big mountainous love, sweet peeps – and fingers crossed for the return of my MacBook over the weekend; I’ve got an amazing chocolate truffles recipe that I’m itching to share! xo